


The Villain's at Fault

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Minor Character Death, Trixie is dead, with a kind of happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 02:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11198328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: Simon and Baz find a dead body. Immediately, Simon jumps to a conclusion as to who killed her.





	The Villain's at Fault

I close the door behind me and let myself sink against it, just for a moment. I press the back of my hand against my lips, trying to control my breathing. I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to get the pictures out of my head. But I can't stop seeing her face; her cold, empty eyes staring into the nothingness. 

No, not staring. Just... being. And I know that I need to move. I have to get help, do something, anything. 

_ Come on, Baz. Be brave. Get a grip and search for help. _

It takes an enormous amount of strength to push myself off the door, but somehow, I manage. The lights of the corridor make me dizzy. I quicken my pace anyway, thinking that perhaps I can run from that room. From her face, and her dead eyes. Before I know it, my body crashes into something, and I stumble back.  
“ What the fuck...”

It's Snow. Of course. Just my luck. (Or is it? Could he have followed me? It wouldn't be all that surprising, to be honest.)

He's staring at me with wide eyes, and I wonder whether he can see it in my face. The shock… the fear. But then again, he's bad at reading faces and all he ever sees when he looks at me is a cold-hearted monster.

“What were you doing in there?” he hisses, brows narrowing.

“Making out with Wellbelove, obviously,” I say and raise an eyebrow. He knows that Wellbelove wasn't in the study room with me. After all, he was dancing with her just a few minutes ago at the ball. 

“I knew you were up to something, Baz,” he growls and curls his fingers into a fist. It makes me alert. He'll probably try to go in there any second. I try to calm myself and mask any emotions that may be apparent on my face. Did he really ditch her just to come after me?

I see something flash in his eyes and he goes for the door, but I'm faster. I block his way.

“You don't want to see what's in there,” I say, voice low. I try to look at him as threateningly as possible. He shouldn't have to see her, too. For a moment, I throw him off and he recoils. Still, he doesn't yield. He never does. He’s as brave as he is foolish.

Snow pushes me away and he's too fast for me to react. He's through the door and it's too late to stop him. I follow him and stay by the door. He stops in the middle of the room. That's when he sees her.

She's wearing a purple sequin dress. It was probably her dress to the ball. But she won't go dancing any time soon. Or any time at all. She won't dance—or move—ever again.

I've checked her pulse already, just to be sure.

“Seems like she was on her way to the ball. I guess, she... She came in here to grab something and ate some of the chocolates. It looks like they poisoned her.”

It's easy to piece it all together when you look at the scene. She's still holding the box of chocolates in her hand. I think about how she would've danced with Keris tonight. 

_ Keris.  _

Fuck. 

I can't look at her—the way she's slumped up in her chair—so I focus on Simon instead. He hasn't moved. He just keeps looking at her and I'm getting nervous.

“ Come on, Snow. We need to get going. The killer might be still here.”  
Very slowly, he turns his head. There's something in his eyes that I don't understand. I see him murmur the incantation of his sword. Good. We're going to need it in case we run into Trixie's murderer.

I’ve turned around and taken a few steps, when I suddenly feel the point of the Sword of Mage's at my neck. I stop in my tracks, draw in a shaky breath, and turn back as slowly as I can.

“Snow,” I say and swallow. “Don't be ridiculous.”

But there's a look of determination in his eyes as he presses the cold metal against my skin. I don't let it show in my face, but I feel fear creeping up within me, and I think that maybe I'm going to die tonight. But I could never let him know how afraid I am.  
“ Really?” I sneer. “We don't have time for this. If we hurry, we could still catch whoever is responsible for this.”  
“ I don't think that will be necessary,” he whispers and pushes me against the wall. He presses his forearm against my throat and points the sword against my chest.

_ It doesn't make sense,  _ I try to say.  _ It doesn't make sense that it was me.  _ But it's hard to convince Snow once he's set his mind on something. He's so caught up in his anger and hatred for me that he'd drive the sword straight through me before believing anything I say.

My heartbeat speeds up and I press myself against the wall. So this is it, then. This is how it ends. I'll die for a crime I didn't even commit. Ironic. After all I did to Snow, this is what I'll pay for.

I hear the door creak open. I can't turn my head, but I catch a glimpse of purple hair out of corner of my eye. Bunce. Thank Merlin. She's someone worth reasoning with.

“ Aleister Crowley!” she exclaims, when she sees the body, I assume. “Baz? Simon? What are you doing? What’s going on?”  
“ Snow thinks  _ I  _ killed her,” I grit through my teeth, trying to express my disdain. It’s difficult, though, considering I have a sword pointed at my chest. Bunce moves into my field of view. She looks shocked, but I know she can keep her cool when it matters.

“ I can't believe it,” Bunce mutters. “She... she was my roommate. I can't believe she's dead, I -”  
“ Come on, Bunce,” I hiss. “Work with me. I didn't do it.”

“ That... that box of chocolates was for Simon. I remember putting it on the side. I thought it was just another girl who has a crush on you and brought it to my room because she couldn't get into the Mummer's house. Trixie must've found it and thought it was from Keris. Maybe she didn't see the card and just assumed it, because she's usually the one who gets chocolates.”  
“ See?” I say. “Why would I leave chocolates in Bunce's room when there are far easier ways to kill you?!”  
“ Because you wouldn't want to be suspected, obviously. It makes sense! You didn't intend to kill Trixie, but me.”  
“ And why would I hang around the body? I was in the middle of getting help when you ran into me!”  
“ But you wanted to keep me from going inside!”  
“ Well, it's not exactly an appealing sight.”  
“ I don't believe you. You're going to have to do more to convince me.”  
“ Or what, you'll kill me? Right here, right now?”  
I try to keep my voice from shaking.  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck.  _ I know how this looks. I try to catch Bunce's glance, to get her to help me, but she's too distressed from the sight of Trixie's dead body. Well, I guess there's soon going to be a second body, then.

_ Okay, Baz. Calm the fuck down. You knew this was coming. The least you can do is go down with dignity. Unless... there's a way to talk myself out of it. _

“ You also left the ball early. When you saw me and Agatha, you left immediately. Probably because you realized your plan hadn't worked... You got nervous and wanted to check whether everything had worked out alright. Then you saw Trixie with the box and you wanted to stop her, but it was too late.”  
My blood runs cold. It all makes sense. I don’t know how I can convince him otherwise.  
“ I just wanted to go to the catacombs.”  
“ You're lying,” Bunce says. Damn her.

There's only one way that comes to my mind that I could still save myself. Only one thing I could say. The truth. Except I'm not sure they're even going to believe me. Or if he's not still going to kill me... But I guess I have nothing to lose now.

“ You want to know the truth?” I whisper. “Fine.”  
I'm not letting it on, but I'm terrified. Because even if he won't kill me, he'll hate me for loving him. And that's the worst kind of hatred I can imagine.

“ I didn't want to go to that ball in the first place. It's stupid that I went... And when I saw you with Agatha, I just couldn't stay.”  
I lower my gaze. I can't look at him. Not because I'm lying—for once—but because I'm telling the truth. Because I have to force every word out, and saying it hurts so much.

“ I guess I just couldn't handle the… jealousy.”  
“ Yeah... that makes sense. You didn't want to see me with Agatha, okay. But it still doesn't prove that you're not the one who poisoned the chocolates.”

“ That's just the thing, Snow. I wasn't jealous of you. I was jealous of  _ Agatha. _ ”

“Oh,” Bunce says. Of course she gets it faster than Snow.

“What do you mean?” he says, confused.

“I _mean_ I would never kill you! I mean that I'd rather _die_ than kill you. I mean that I never planned on winning the ultimate fight between the two of us! I wasn't even going to try.”

“W-what? Why?”  
“Because...”  
It takes all my courage, and all I’m able to do is choke out a strangled whisper.

“Because I'm in love with you.”

And there it is. I’ve said it. I stare wide-eyed into space, just to avoid looking at him. I can't believe I told him.

“What?” he repeats, but I can feel the sword shiver against my neck. That means he's in shock.

“No! You – You're just saying that to c-convince me, t-that—”

“ Really, Snow? Do you really think I'd even consider saying that to you if it wasn't true? Even when you hold a sword against my neck? Believe me, I was never going to tell you. But if this is my only chance to convince you, then... Well. I've been in love with you since fifth year.”  
He draws the sword back a little and that encourages me enough to keep talking.

“ I hate being your enemy. But I'd pretend every day because it's the only way you and I can exist next to each other. And it's torture, you can be sure of that. Sharing a room with you every day is killing me, so I guess it doesn't matter much if you actually put that sword through me now. And I hate being in love with you. I hate your stupid bravery, your stupid moles, your stupid eyes... I hate that I love everything about you. You look beautiful when you sleep, and seeing that is all I'll ever get. So no, I'm not lying to you. I  _ wish  _ I was lying. You can hit me. You can yell at me. You can laugh at me. Hell, you can even kill me if you want. I won't stop you. But don't you dare accusing me of lying.” 

And now I do look in his eyes, because I'm in pain and I'm not lying and I need him to believe that every word I say is true.

“Because I fucking love you and that's a secret I thought I'd take to my grave. But now I have nothing to lose.”

He just stares at me. No one says a word. I can feel Bunce's gaze on my face and I'm afraid she's pitying me. I want to take it all back or run away, but I have to stand my ground. This is the one time where I'm not just a sorry excuse of myself. The one time in which I am more than just a pathetic liar. This time there, I am  _ me _ . I am true. I am the most authentic version of me. And maybe I should've been that all along. I never thought it would, but this feels good, no matter what he's going to do now. I was so afraid of the truth, but now I think that anything is better than the web of lies I got caught up in. Even when I'll still die today, at least I'll die as myself, not as whoever I pretended to be all along. I think that's worth at least something.

Snow lowers his sword and takes a step back. I can't help but let out a sigh of relief.

“I -” he starts but is cut off by footsteps in the corridor.

“Hey!” Penny calls out. “Who's there?!”

I catch a glimpse of a green as the person rounds the corner. We run after them in the corridor and Bunce casts a spell to slow them down. That way, we're able to catch up and Snow eventually holds him down. 

The guy is incredibly handsome, in his thirties, and definitely doesn't go to this school.

I look in the reflection of Bunce's glasses. There, I can see his real self, green skin and ugly face.

“He's a goblin,” I call out and Snow lifts his sword. The goblin grins.

“How did you get in here?” Bunce asks. I wonder how he got through Watford's defences. Maybe somebody let him in.

“ I'm going to take the Chosen One's head,” he snarls, “and become king.”  
“ You're the one who killed Trixie!”

“I came to look for your head, but apparently things didn't go as planned!”

“Hold him back!”

Bunce and I spell him rigid and Snow swings his sword. He takes off his head in one swift motion.

We're all stained with blood, but none of us bother to spell ourselves clean. We just stare at the goblin's corpse for a few moments. That's two dead bodies in one night.

“I'm glad it wasn't you,” Snow remarks, not lifting his gaze off the body.

“Me, too,” I whisper.

I can't get her out of my head. Trixies dead eyes... I don't think I'll ever forget them.

“Let's get out of here,” Bunce says. “We should look for the Mage and tell someone what happened. Somebody needs to clean up this mess.”  
We walk alongside one another and I hope Snow waits to mention what I told him about my feelings. I know that I can't put the conversation off forever, but I want to wait at least a little bit longer.

“Trixie died because of me,” I hear him say and turn my head. “The goblin had it in for _me_ , if I had -”

“Stop it, Simon,” Bunce mutters. “It's not your fault. There's nothing you could've done to prevent this.”  
We keep walking and I know that in this moment, we're all thinking about her. I know that Bunce always said she didn't like her, but I'm sure that she'll miss her. I guess Simon and I never knew Trixie all that well, but she was happy. All that happiness, taken away so easily. It hurts my heart to know that.  
  
Later, in our room, my heart beat has calmed down a bit and both Simon and I are not as upset any more. The weight of the things that are left unsaid between us hangs like a heavy cloud in the room.  
I assume, now I have to face him and whatever he has to say about my stupid feelings for him. 

“ Snow,” I mutter and back against the wall.  
“ Did you mean that? What you told us in the study room?”  
“ Of course.”

My hands are fidgeting.

“ Look, Snow, I understand if you're mad about this, but... You probably won't be able to ignore it, either. Think you can just throw a punch and leave it behind you?”  
“ Punch you?”  
“ Yeah, I don't know, to take out your anger or something. I—I swear I'll stop watching you in your sleep. That's really creepy, I get it.”

“Baz.”

“Do you hate me for loving you?” I ask, because I can't live not knowing. “Because I get it.”

“No, I -”

He comes closer and I flinch back. I'm vulnerable like this. It feels like—like any touch will break me. 

Then he caresses my cheek and I fall. I half-close my eyes and his touch burns. Does he even know what he's doing to me?

“I'm sorry,” I murmur, thinking that I always ruin everything. Thinking that there's no alternate universe in which we could be friends because I'd always destroy it.

“Don't be,” he whispers and leans forward to press his forehead against mine. I can't breathe.

“I think I have to break up with Agatha,” he says, and he sounds certain of it.

“Why?”

“Because I know exactly what you were talking about back there. It was...familiar.”

“ Are you saying that you suspected I had feelings for you?”  
“ No. That's not what I'm saying at all.”

He brushes his lips against mine. It’s only a brief touch, but my lips are burning. All my words are gone.

“I'm saying that... I think... I feel the exact same way about you.”

“ A-are you saying this just to hurt me? Because, Simon, if you are, then -”  
“ No. It's because just hearing you say my name makes butterflies flutter in my chest. It's because I've always wanted to run my fingers through your hair. It's because you're perfect – in every way—and I never knew how to deal with it. But—I think I know, now.”  
He pulls me closer, and I melt into his embrace. I can't believe this. I can't. I—I thought I would die tonight, but as it turns out, this is the night I really come alive. Simon Snow holds me in his arms, and I'm breathing, and my heart is beating fast, and I truly  _ live  _ tonight.

 


End file.
